Get Over Yourself
You are already aware of the years worth of drama I’ve dealt with from my husbands ex. So let me just jump right in and tell you about the situation I am having with his mom. I am in need of little bit of guidance. I decided not to allow her to be a part of our children's lives'. Those who don‘t know the situation are probably scratching their head in confusion. Asking "Why would you deny your husband's mother access to her grandchildren?" Those who do know are strapping in tight because they know, when I tell it, I tell it all. So let's start from the beginning. Let me give a little bit of background before I jump into it.
When I first started interacting with my husbands mom it was mostly on a "hello" and "goodbye" basis. As time went on, we got closer and formed our own bond. I'd vent my frustrations about his ex and she'd listen chiming in with the occasional "she's trifling" but SEEMED to always stay out of the drama between us.( I say "SEEMED" because his ex mentioned many times that his mom was telling her what I was posting about on social media. I didn't believe her at the time but once I unfriended his mom on facebook we got a lot less calls about what I was posting on there.Could have just been a coincidence but who knows.) I would say we had a pretty good relationship. I would hear stories about Monster-in-laws and cringe, "tuh my mother-in-law would never." HA! Little did I know she would, and she would real soon.
I was pregnant with my son, at eight months in and we were constantly chatting about how he could come any day as I would stop by her house after my weekly doctors appointment. IT'S TIME! My son is on his way, ready to make his debut. I spend a lot of time on social media, so I know that there are people in this world who you have to tell explicitly "DON'T POST PICTURES OF MY BABY." I ask my husband to just send everyone a quick reminder please don't mention that I'm in the hospital, please don't announce the birth date of the baby and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't post any photos. I wanted to be the one that announced that my baby had safely made his way into the world once I was comfortable at home. Everyone agreed that they would respect my wishes.
Once I got home from the hospital I posted my birth announcement. Not too long after that his God-father asked if he could post a picture of our son. Of course, I said yes. Next my grandmother asked if she could post. Once again,I said yes. At this point everyone who wanted to post a picture had posted one. Later that night my husband comes and tells me, "Hey my mom is upset something about some pictures can you just reach out to her." Of course, I can why not? I didn't want her to be upset since she didn't get a chance to come by the hospital. So I text her and let her know that I made the birth announcement and if she'd like she can go ahead and post any photos she wants to post. She texts back "Girl whatever." I'm taken aback by this because.... well to put it simply, what the fuck! I had a million thoughts running through my mind. A little bit hurt and angry I decided this was not a relationship I wanted to sacrifice so I didn't respond.
Now it had been a couple of weeks and I hadn't talked to my mother in law, she hadn't made an effort to see the baby, nothing. I was little hurt and dare I say offended but if there is one thing I have it's tough skin. So I moved on, I think nothing else of it until I see a post on my stepsons birthday. "Happy Birthday to my one and only grandson." I just gave birth to her second grandson and there she was acting like he didn't even exist. I faced it he didn't exist to her for whatever reason.
I am ENRAGED! I see nothing but darkness I fly into a rage immediately. How could she treat my son like that? What did I do to her? What the fuck is her problem? Who the fuck does she think she is? She wants to play games I can play games! It is at this very moment that I decide this woman will NEVER have a relationship with our son. I tell my husband EVERY conversation we have "don't ever take my son there" "don't let her see my son on video chat don't let her talk to him on the phone NOTHING" I felt like if you say you only have one grandson live with that. I took that stance and I am willing to die on that hill.
After that there's nothing. I don't call her. I don't text her. I don't visit. I considered that bridge burnt. I could always tell that the way that things were took a toll on my husband but I couldn't care about that. I was wrapped in my hurt feelings and my journey of being a new mother. Why would I spend time worrying about who didn't want to be in my sons life when he had so much love surrounding him? In times where I questioned my decision to deny her access I reminded myself "She chose this I only granted her request." Obviously my feelings were hurt but that was overshadowed by my anger. Just as I found my footing as a new mother and put my feelings behind me, BOOM pregnant again. Now I'm in a mode where I NEED to protect my peace! I was already having a tough time because I didn't really want to be pregnant. So I didn't tell the in-laws, shit I didn't even tell my step-kids.( Their mom told them after stalking me on instagram and seeing a picture of me clearly pregnant but that's a story for another time.) I tell my husband many times not to tell his mom shit about my pregnancy or my next baby. Months go by and everything is going smoothly.
I'd been craving brownies my entire pregnancy, everyday I ask my husband to bring me brownies, everyday he forgets because he's working on his new motorcycle. At this point I was probably four or five months pregnant. So I made a status on Facebook "How much would y'all pay to see me punch Keith? This is the 4th day I have mentioned brownies to him and he has not gone to the store to get me any..." I'll pause here and you can tell me if you feel this was a threat of domestic violence or a fucking joke.
My friend and I start having a conversation about it, and his mom shows up in the comments with a smart response. "I don't think that would be a good idea" Now I will admit I could have ignored her comment but I didn't. I remembered all the conversations we'd had about how "crazy" she is so I KNEW when I read the comment it was a threat. I asked my husband "Why is your mother trying to get cute with me on the internet?" He didn't take me seriously, he said there was nothing more to her comment so I said "I'm willing to test my luck."She comes back to comment "try me if you want to." Any one else would have probably left it alone but this woman had already disrespected me months prior for what I felt was no reason at all. I had to defend myself this time but I also wanted to maintain some level of respect. Then I thought about the fact that we didn't have a relationship anymore and now she's here in my comment section talking to me crazy. So I felt I had to remind her I ain't nobodies bitch. So I commented "I said what I said have a blessed night." She says "Well we will see when I lay eyes on you." I have never wanted to fight anybody as bad as I wanted to fight her in that moment. That stuck with me for the majority of my pregnancy. That was the last straw! This woman would never see either of my children. I stuck to that....I don't speak to her. I don't try and be friendly. I don't send pictures of my children.
My son is now a little bit older than one and a half and my daughter is 8 months. This entire time my husband has been caught in the middle of this feud. He has done nothing wrong, yet he has to deal with this everyday. That was wearing on me and I really felt bad for putting him in that position. So as a gesture to him I decided to try and let it go which has never been one of my strong suits. I extended an olive branch in hopes that it would get me the apology that I feel I deserve so we could try and move forward. One day he's getting ready to take his daughter to his mom's house and I tell him "we are gonna go with you guys." He's clearly happy but trying to hide it so I figure I've made a good decision. In the back of my mind I'm like "maybe she'll apologize" KNOWING that she's not going to. We get to the house and she's there I was angry all over again.... Was I expecting her not to be there? I don't even know where the anger came from but it was VERY VERY real. My husband decided he wanted to take the kids inside to see his dad (who never stopped being a part of their lives) so I went in with him. As I'm walking into the house she says Hi, so many thoughts rush through my mind but I suppress them and muster up the driest "hey" that I can. The rest of the visit was pretty uneventful but I still found myself upset when we left.
A couple of weeks later and my husband and I are having a conversation about it and he mentions that she told him she doesn't have a problem with me. My immediate response is that it doesn't matter because now I have a problem with her. I feel as though she owes me an apology. If there is any hope of us moving past everything that happened she should apologize to me. I refuse to pretend nothing ever happened and just carry on.... So I need your help... Do you think that I should just accept that she doesn't have a problem with me and move on? Or Do you think I deserve an apology?