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  • Jasmine Blackwell

Growth

On this day.....

Three magic words that never fail to take me on a journey as I see my history of personal growth. On this day last year I was getting ready for one of the biggest day's of my life, the wedding day! You would think that it'd be full of wonderful pre-wedding excitement but basically the entire week leading up to my wedding was a huge cluster fuck of unnecessary drama. Might as well go ahead and tell the story. You all know how much I love my husband, and it's no secret how I feel about his ex. People tend to think it's just drama from being the new woman and the old woman but it's so much more than that. At the time I didn't understand but there were so many layers of anger that didn't even have anything to do with me. It has taken me this long to even grasp the concept, I can't even say that I fully understand the issue to this day but I have made peace with it. The only person I can control is myself. Everything doesn't deserve my time so many different cliche lessons to be learned from my mistakes. To be clear I will never regret standing up for myself or speaking my mind but I will admit I could have handled a lot of the situations a bit differently. Once again these are the tails of my personal growth and I'm not perfect. Everyone always says you should be the bigger person but sometime it takes a while for it to sink in. As a woman who constantly treats people how they treat me I can assure you in certain situations it is better to just laugh at the bullshit and cast it aside.

You all know my history with my husbands ex. It's not a tale of wonderful stress free co-parenting because that's a fucking fairy-tale for me. It's more similar to a scary story about two nasty ass dragons constantly going for blood. There were a lot of lessons to be learned but only one major one stuck with me. I'm not going to start at the beginning because there is just way too much to even explain I'm just gonna give a summary.

After my husband and I were officially married I reached out to my husband's ex to let her know I was going to be a part of the kids lives and there had to be respect so we needed to get down to the real root of the problem. Despite my intentions being to figure out what the issue she had with me was this conversation quickly went left. In hindsight, I should have offered to sit down with her to really figure it out but honestly at that point it would have come to blows. You would think that I would have realized that she needed to work out her issues alone but I didn't. I was still stuck contemplating "what the fuck is wrong with this woman." I couldn't have a simple conversation with her without it turning into a slew of "bitch fuck you" texts. No matter what the issue was we were unable to have simple conversations. It'd start with her saying something even mildly condescending and I'd just go right at her throat. My thoughts were that I was trying to help her out with HER kids she needed to be appreciative cause I didn't owe her shit. Not even taking into account that she didn't owe me shit either. I'm sure life was hard for her, her ex just got married and his new wife was forced down her throat at every moment possible. It is what it is now though. When I started this website I told everyone it was to express myself and tell the tales of my life as a stepmother. We were having so much fun as a blended family despite the drama. I wanted to share with everyone that becoming a blended family could be easy. That's what it started out as but as soon as I started gaining more traction it started to stir up drama. I soon lost focus on the reason I started blogging to being with. Week after week I'd blast her for the stupid shit she was doing or saying about me. It was counterproductive to say the least. Whether she was coming to check it out on her own or someone was sending it to her wasn't my concern, I didn't care. After a huge blowout it hit me like a truck not only was I making her look stupid but I was making myself look stupid for continuously giving her bullshit the spotlight when it was supposed to be about myself, my family and our journey together. I was wasting time arguing with her, what was the point? We weren't getting anywhere. What was she even mad for? I didn't know but I knew I was upset because she would constantly trash me and I didn't even know this woman like that so of course I had to retaliate. Right? No! The shit was completely pointless! I WISH I had saved my time and energy on that bullshit, at the same time where would I be right now if I'd not realized that for myself?

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