Well hello there, nice to see you here again and you won’t believe how much I’ve missed you. Let’s play a little catch-up. Last year I:
1.Had my sweet little chunka man
2. Got a new job
3.Went on vacation
5. Got pregnant again! So I think it’s safe to say life has been a little more than hectic for me. I’ve been giving myself a little pep talk about how I should just jump back into writing. I wasn’t ready though, between adapting to having my first baby and being pregnant and snippy everything just felt like a blur. I thought of writing a ever so typical first time mom post “What they don’t tell you about being a mom” or “How life changes after the baby” but it didn’t really seem true to who I am. Y’all know my favorite way to tell everything is with NO FILTER or don’t tell it at all. I had a hard time with the idea because I kept thinking “I’m a mom now maybe I should tone myself down to fit the profile of a mom” COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I’m a mom but I’m still exactly who I am. I’m not JUST a mom, motherhood does not define me! My temper is hot, my fuse is short, my language is foul, and I remembered I don’t give a fuck for real. You can’t use my truth against me, especially when I’m the one who told you anyway.
I really feel it’s important not to lose yourself in motherhood though. Yes there have been moments where I have thought that maybe people’s opinions were important, maybe what they think of me matters, but then I had an epiphany. I was doing everything everyone said I SHOULD be doing, but they were still mad. If it wasn’t one thing it was another, so why should I take these things so seriously? I became cold, withdrawn, and overly critical of myself and for what? NOTHING none of these people knew what was best for my baby, they didn’t know what was best for me, they really didn’t even know what was best for them. All they had was unsolicited advice, invasive questions, and unwelcomed opinions. I KNOW what I want for my children but I was allowing the constant barrage of comments make me question myself. Can you believe that? I let people who couldn’t stand a minute in my shoes persuade me I was walking my own path wrong.
The problem I had with myself has been identified and it’s slowly being corrected. I took me 11 months to realize I really had to let it go in one ear and out the other. Hopefully sharing my story with you will help you if you’re ever in the same situation. I pride myself on being unwavering in who I am and being authentically me, so I had a hard time grasping the fact that I‘d actually let outsiders change that about me. I’m here today to tell you although it’s been hard, I am back. I am as always a work in progress I am 100% with ALL the fuck shit. It’s been a quiet year...............
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to say about it! See you at the next #StorytimewithJae.