Lead With Love
My one year old taught me a very valuable lesson today. We have had an interesting start to the day. He usually sleeps until 9:30am. Well today Kali decided that she was ready for us to start the day.... at 8:00am. While Kali is very excited about her decision to wake up early today Kaiden is not happy AT ALL. He’s starting his day crying and upset. I tried to calm him down but he was having none of it. My sleep was cut a little bit short so I’m a little bit agitated by all the crying but that’s what toddlers do sometime so I’m gonna suck it up. I just wanna make some coffee and start the day right.
For FORTY FIVE MINUTES he is screaming and crying I want to help him so bad but I can’t. I’m feeling lost and confused I don’t know what to do. Then he starts at least TRYING to tell me what he wants. “Bottle” I give him one, he throws it on the floor. “My cycle” (toddler speak for motorcycle) I give him that and again he threw it to the ground. At this point I have my infant hanging on me and my toddler will not move, he will not be quiet, he cant even tell me what he wants. I got so frustrated I just started yelling at him. “I gave you everything you asked for and you threw it you didn’t want it so be quiet.” Well obviously that didn’t work to calm my upset toddler because to be honest why would it.
So I tried a different approach, what could go wrong? We were already so far down the wrong path. I sat down I took three deep breaths, he noticed me and he started to take deep breaths. Now we are getting somewhere I sit down with him and he climbs into my lap. He’s trying so hard to tell me what he wants but I just don’t understand. So we sit in silence for a little while and I ask him to take my hand and follow me to the living room. We sit down on the couch and I explain to him that I don’t understand what he wants but I would like for him to tell me how mommy can help him. He says tv so I turn on soul and get him a blanket and a bottle and he sits and relaxes until it’s time to get dressed.
As I was going to cook his breakfast a thought came to me. How easy would it have been to soothe him if I led with compassion instead of frustration straight from jump? I find it so easy to match people’s energy. There aren’t many times that think to calm myself before responding in a stressful situation. Some people have seen me in action and can tell you I go from 0-100 real quick. I have decided that today is the day that I will TRY and start leading with love instead of matching energy. I will keep you guys updated! 😘