No Friend of Mine
I’m at a place where I have finally started to embrace the fact that not everything needs a reaction. I have been put into so many awkward situations by allowing people to manipulate my emotions. There have been a few times I can think of specifically where someone else's behavior has gotten me into a real bind. I have finally learned to never let anyone make me act out of character though it took me some time to get here. I can actually pinpoint the exact moment I was done letting other people’s bullshit sway me.
I had a friend for the purpose of the story we are going to call her Claire. When I met Claire for the first time I was VERY hesitant to even speak to her, I observed her for a second and realized I didn’t like her vibe. Despite my initial disinterest, also because of the relationship her boyfriend had with Keith even though he was just my boyfriend at the time I knew we were going to end up spending time together so I went ahead and started forming a friendship with her.
Now that I’ve had a chance to look back on the situation in it’s entirety I should have trusted my gut.
Anyway, it wasn’t long before I was told that Claire had a semi-friendship with Keith’s ex (for the purpose of the story I’ll refer to her as L). They hung out in the same circles, which to me wasn’t that big of a deal because I didn’t care. She made it clear that she’d had no problem with L so my issue with her was just that MY issue. I’ll spare you all of the boring details of the entire 2 or so years we were friends. Early in our friendship I noticed two things:
1.She was obsessed with her current and ex boyfriends exes.
2. She wanted me to be just as obsessed over L.
She’d come to me telling me about all the unpleasant run ins she’d had with L, at first I was like “Yeahhhhh she’s a bitch” but as the conversations grew more frequent she started telling me more private things she’d seen or heard about L. At this point I was uncomfortable, I don’t want to constantly hear about a bitch I don’t fuck with. So I put some distance between Claire and I. My main thought was “If she feels this comfortable sharing information about L with me, what’s she saying about me to L.”
Some time passed without us really talking and during that time I’d noticed that tensions between L and I had been very low. I can’t say for sure that Claire was the reason but I’ve always wondered. This quiet time was amazing, little did I know it was the calm before the storm!
After complete radio silence I receive a text, then another, then another, then another so I’m looking at my phone like “what is happening right now?” I see Claire has text me several screenshots of a conversation she has had with L. The part of the conversation that grabbed my attention immediately went something like this:
L: Bitch I will fuck you up!
C: You talking all that shit but you’ve been saying you were gonna beat Jasmine’s ass for the longest and haven’t done shit!
L: What I look like beating her ass in front of my kids.
So I’m staring at my phone seeing nothing but red
Without even thinking I called L “who ass you gonna beat bitch not mine stop talking shit about me I’m not the one I’ll come over there and beat your ass right now!” I hung up on her and proceeded to put on my shoes to head out the door.
Keith is literally sitting on the couch looking at me like I'm a psycho.
I told him “I’m going to beat your BM ass cause all she do is talk shit and I’m over it!” He responded “she’s going to call the police so don’t waste your time.”
All of this went down and not once did I take a moment to think. As soon as I calmed down so many questions flooded my mind. Why did Claire send me these screenshots? Why did she bring me up in the first place? Why were they arguing?
So I did the only logical thing I could think of I text Claire....
I asked why she’d sent the screenshots she told me “I thought you’d want to know what she was saying about you.”
I asked why she’d brought me up in the first place she said “as an example of all the shit she talks that she never backs up”
I tried explaining to her several different ways that I should have never been a part of that conversation because like she’d told me her issue with L was HER issue. She wasn’t understanding my frustration with her dragging me into something like this. So I told her something about herself , I will admit I could have done this in a much more polite manner but I didn’t. “Look I don’t wanna have to beat her ass for talking shit and Your ass for telling her my business so I don’t fuck with you no more.” To me this was the only way to keep my sanity, because I don’t know what you’ve told this woman about me and you’re being messy. But the only thing she read from that was “ I wanna beat your ass.” Which I later heard about from Keith because her boyfriend had called him like “What’s up with your girl saying she was gonna beat my girl ass.” That wasn’t the point though, I knew from the beginning when she started talking to me about L that I shouldn’t have indulged in the conversation but I did.
It took THIS much drama for me to realize people will always take advantage of a situation. I would never place the blame for what happened that day on Claire because she is not in control of my emotions. I allowed myself to be manipulated. Claire wasn’t trying to be a friend she was trying to start a fight she wouldn’t have been able to handle on her own. I haven’t let anyone manipulate me like this since then I think I learned my lesson. Everyday I have to remind myself I’ve come a long way from where I was. I’m able to laugh at some of these memories instead of getting mad when I’m reminded. I do not let my emotions control me AS MUCH so don’t try me cause I’m still a work in progress.