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  • Jasmine Blackwell

Selfish for Self-Love

Not sure if you noticed I've been on hiatus for a while but I'm back now!

If you don't care where I've been, what's been going on, why I'm coming back now I'll wait a second for you to go somewhere else with your bullshit... If you actually missed me just know I missed you too. I'm gonna jump right in so strap yourselves in this one might get very in depth.

I go hard for the people I love, this is a known fact. If my friend has a problem with you... I have a problem with you. You need help figuring out how to manage better? I got you! Sounds reasonable, in the beginning, then people notice you'll be down for them and they start to take advantage of your kindness. I could tell so many stories about getting dragged into people's bullshit but I'd be telling those stories for the next few days. So I'll just tell those stories one by one a different time. I always say I'm working on myself, this time my focus is on how to use selfishness to keep myself out of stressful situations. Wondering what the final straw was? I don't care! I'mma tell you anyway.

So I have a friend we gonna call her Bam, as I go on with the story many of you will know EXACTLY who Bam is but I ask that you refrain from saying her name anywhere. Now my sweet sweet Bam knows I love the fuck out of her but she needs some work just like me. That may be a part of why we get along so well but I'm not entirely sure. Anytime she has any trouble she calls me, that's my bestfriend of course I come running. If she swings on you from the left I'm coming from the right! That's just how it is. Anyway back to the point, we deemed the summer '17 #SummerOfBestfriendship, so we pretty much just partied the summer away together. I won't bore you with the details of every single drunken memory but I will focus in on the last party of our summer. Bam had been seeing this guy, which came to a kind of ugly end. After several conversations she told me that there was a girl that had stirred up some drama between the two of them. Bam explains to me how much she dislikes this girl, for the purposes of this story I'm going to call her Bird. All of this happened in the days leading up to the final party. The day of, Bam and I are chilling when Bird comes in with a friend. Now to us this was weird because we have always seen this girl alone. For obvious reasons we are on watch now because not only did she bring a friend dressed like she was ready for whatever but she showed up to an event she KNEW Bam was part of sponsoring. Hours go by, nothing happens I just assume they have squashed the beef. I'm standing at the bar with a friend and a girl brushes against me, I'm like whatever it's a crowded space so I continue my conversation. It took me a second to realize that the girl that just brushed past me is Birds little minion. I just chuck it up as an accident! I didn't have anything to do with their beef so why would it be anything other than that right? WRONG! A few minutes go by and Bird brushes past me, I ignore it, because once again this isn't my beef. BUT she does it again so now I'm OBLIGATED to see what the fucking problem is! I ask her "Bitch what do you keep brushing up against me for is there an issue" and a friend cuts in "She's just drunk I'm sorry on her behalf." I'mma be honest, it was about to be a fight. I immediately go and find Bam because I need to know if I missed something. So I go and tell her what happened and she's like I mean if you wanna fight her you can I won't let her friend jump in but she and I squashed our beef. It's fine happy that they worked it out.

Now fast forward a month or two rinse and repeat with a different girl. At this point, I have realized that I cannot invest myself into issues with my friend because I'm going to end up unsparingly shading and disrespecting some chick who my friend inevitably will make up with. This seems to be a trend among a few of my friends, it took me a while to realize I should let the have their beef and when they ask me to become a part of it I should decline. Or maybe ask if they REALLY don't fuck with someone, before I allow them to make me a part of it.

People will request you support them without hesitation with whatever they need only to turn around and act like nothing ever happened. Leaving you with wasted time, energy and money. It's up to you to protect yourself from being drained by other people's energy. I can give away my time, my money, my advice, my space, and anything else you can think of and it's still not enough. Some people want you to stretch yourself thin helping them but when the time comes for you to worry about yourself they are quick to forget everything you've done for them. Once they start acting like you've never helped them it makes you think you should have never helped to begin with. Now you have less money, time, energy, and patience and what do you have to show for it? Nothing! An ungrateful person who you have officially vowed to be completely selfish against from now on.

Why go through all of that when you can just skip all the middle stuff and start with selfishness. It sounds cruel but if you think of yourself before stretching thin to help you won't regret it. You can't help people for real when your emotions, mental space and bank account are drained. I get called selfish all the time. But I need to be selfish in order to preserve my own sanity. If I gave everyone the time, energy, and money they asked for I'd have nothing for myself. Most of the time I get called selfish because I am refusing to give away my energy to something that isn't going to make me a better person. What's the point?

There are a couple of people that can not help but mention how rude, nonchalant, and selfish I am whenever I don't agree with them in a situation where they are wrong and I refuse to give my energy. But it's fine because I refuse to give away anything that is going to put me in an uncomfortable position. From my time to my money if it's going to cause stress I always have to put me first. Before you ask my husband is an extension of me so my marriage and my household are included when I say that I put myself over everything. I don't want to sound like a narcissistic asshole, BUT I can't think of one thing I should care about more than taking care of myself. I mean maybe I am a narcissist and I don't know. That's something I'll have to figure out on another day that's not what I'm talking about today. Call me whatever you like but I've never been happier than after I started to use a selfish mindset to preserve my energy. I refuse to over extend myself for other people.

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